Monday, December 14, 2015

Morally Questionable Morals

    As many of my recent blog posts - and probably quite a few of my future ones - talk a lot about my disdain for my English teacher’s theory that fiction is written just to deliver a life lesson and every piece of fiction has one, I have Defended My Claim with a list I compiled (during math class) of well-known stories with morally questionable morals.

1. Cinderella
Moral: Spend your childhood taking crap from abusive parents, and eventually some chick with a wand will solve all your problems for you.

2. Sleeping Beauty/Snow White
Moral: If a strange man comes around and kisses you while you’re comatose/dead/asleep, you’ve got it made.

3. The Little Mermaid
Moral: Do everything and anything for a guy.

4. Rapunzel
Moral: If a foreign prince tricks you into letting him in while you’re home alone, marry him.

5. Rumpelstiltskin
Moral: Cheating, lying, and going back on your word are great ways to get out of a pickle.

6. Jack and the Beanstalk
Moral: If you’re poor, break into the house of a rich man, steal his valuables, and kill him. Problem solved!

7. Hansel and Gretel
Moral: If you’re hungry, feel free to eat the house of a stranger and kill the owner if she gives you grief.

8. The Ugly Duckling
Moral: Society only values the beautiful.

9. The Three Little Pigs
Moral: If you fail to see the obvious in architecture, you will die.

10. The Twelve Dancing Princesses
Moral: Use an invisibility cloak to follow your crush into her bedroom, then stalk her all night, and you’ll end up marrying her.

Something else I found interesting was the story The Pineapple and the Hare. Apparently, some idiot decided that this goofy story, apparently written for fun, would be an excellent reading passage for a test in New York schools, which is incredibly stupid, but I couldn't find any links with just the story, so you get the whole article. If you like, just scroll down - there are two versions, and only the second one has the moral. I am trying to imagine my English teacher's face if I submitted this story....

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