Why Middle-Schoolers Need Real Sex Ed, Part One

    Common Stereotype: Teenagers think about nothing but sex.
    This is false.

    Common Stereotype: Teenagers think about sex an awful lot of the time.
    This is true.

    I’m pretty sure I think about sex a lot less than most of my friends. In fact, I repeatedly entertained the notion of sitting at a different lunch table when Erica kept bringing a book of old-timey insults, slang, and the very strange concepts that started some of these sayings. Let’s just say that ancient Romans came up with many, many perverted ideas, and leave it at that.
    Why can teachers not remember what it was like to be a teenager? I don’t know. The fact is, though, they can’t. And all the science in the world can’t quite measure up to the thoroughly bizarre mind of a middle-schooler.
    The health curriculum is utterly stupid. At least, anything even remotely sexual is taught in a stupid fashion. Really, the whole curriculum is a repeat, from year to year. Maybe three weeks of material in our one quarter a year of health is new from last year’s. So while I don’t yet know what they’re teaching us this year, nearly all of my friends are taking health second quarter, and, at some point or another, have complained about it. And all their complaints are awfully familiar.
    Eighth grade is supposed to be the year where Sex Ed actually teaches about sex rather than the reproductive systems and feminine hygiene. This year is supposed to be the year where we “learn” how babies are made (yeah - if there’s anyone in the eighth grade who doesn’t know at this point, I’ll eat my binder), where we learn about sexual harassment (myth busted), and where we get to see a video of a baby being born (myth confirmed!).
    Many of my friends were discussing the “sexual harassment” lesson during lunch. And no, it wasn’t the sort of thing that would make you lose your appetite, though there have been plenty of conversations along those lines that have forced me to develop an extremely strong stomach. (Never ask your friends anything about Game of Thrones….) I questioned my friend Helene about the lesson, and she explained. Apparently, and please remember I am not an eyewitness (though I will get to take health fourth quarter, same curriculum, and I’ll bet you can guess what the vast majority of my blog posts will be about then), students discussed a text conversation between a girl and a boy. She texted him, What do you like doing after school besides playing basketball? He responded, Making out. I don’t remember all the examples, but they were basically along those lines - just something suggestive said by a friend. This appears to be what they count as sexual harassment. So, while my opinion may very well be disproved when I actually suffer through the course, it appears that the teachers have, yet again, suddenly gone all squeamish right when they get to something interesting. Sigh.
    The thing is, this generation gets some disturbing stuff. Movies, TV shows, websites (<cough>fan fiction<cough>), which, as I can guarantee from experience, one doesn’t need to actually see to hear about.
    In detail.
    As much as this sucks, it is pretty much unavoidable. It’s about as easy to eradicate in a middle school as bullying. And I’m sure glad they haven’t tried, because they would fail at least as spectacularly as they have with bullying, and it would only involve more assemblies and counseling lessons chock-full of uselessness.
    Health teachers don’t know just how little innocence a good deal of us have left. And I’m pretty sure that some of the lesser-known things our generation accepts as normal would still shock most adults.
    I am not saying this to prove that I at least have experience in something over teachers, though the fact that I do does still give me a small jolt of satisfaction, however illogical (since it would hardly be my choice field of expertise). It is simply true.
    So I say, bring it on, health teachers. You are the squeamish ones, not us. We can take whatever diluted version of the truth you deliver.
    Actually, I am questioning the ability of the male participants to hold it together when they see the childbirth video.
    But other than that, we can take it.

Why Middle-Schoolers Need Real Sex Ed, Part Two

    My friend Cassandra was complaining, during the last few minutes of orchestra, about some of the health lessons. She began in a slow, measured fashion. “Apparently,” she stated thoughtfully, “the only way teens can be even slightly intimate,” another pause, “is to hold hands.”
    “Are they showing you that list of ‘appropriate ways for teens to show affection’?” I asked disgustedly. I got it last year. The teacher made a big deal of pointing out that kissing wasn’t on the list.
    “Yes,” she groaned. “It’s all ‘hold hands’ -”
    “And ‘give small gifts’,” I agreed.
    I don’t remember the whole thing. That’s pretty much it. It’s basically a very brief list of nauseating ways to show affection - and, as Cassandra noted, nothing even remotely sexual.
    “Apparently if you kiss someone,” she griped, “they will automatically get HIV. Like, if you have the tiniest cut on your lip, and you kiss someone, they will die.”
    Okay. All the lessons about STD's and teen pregnancies they blabber on about for weeks is probably enough to scare whatever tiny minority may actually have considered randomly having sex in middle school - and if it’s not, nothing will except physical restraint and/or threat of death. But kissing? I’m pretty sure kissing is considered an acceptable practice.
    By the students.
    But as long as it’s a fairly, er, straightforward kiss, and not done in the middle of math class or whatever, seriously, what is the deal? It’s reasonable for teachers to warn us about the dangers of having sex, even if their methods are somewhat questionable. But kissing?
    No one will take them seriously if they tell us all the terrible stuff that can happen if you kiss someone. That’s like a terrorist threatening to bomb America if we don’t give them, let’s say, cloning technology, pay them fifteen billion dollars, and, oh yeah, change the national anthem to “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” It would make the small amount of rational advice they give us look less rational because we’d take them less seriously.

     If a man proposes to his girlfriend, can you imagine her gasping, and smiling, and then holding his hand? That sounds like a commercial: Wait! Don't kiss her! You may or may not have a minuscule cut on your lip that will give your beloved HIV if you kiss her! [Cartoon creature hands baffled-looking man box of chocolates.] Remember, if you kiss someone, you may get them sick! Use healthy ways to show affection so you don't give your Significant Other a cold, such as holding hands or giving small gifts! [Flies away wearing superhero cape.]
    Not to mention, but…what about when we’re married? Do marriage vows somehow neutralize whatever viruses may be swimming around in one’s blood? Or are they just telling us to never have sex?
    Hate to break it to you, health teachers, but we all exist because someone had sex. So do you. If no one ever has sex anymore, there will be no next generation to suffer whatever twisted TV shows this one dreams up.
    And, as we exist, it is a pretty safe conclusion that our parents have had sex. And haven’t we all seen our parents kiss each other at times? Are we going to take them seriously if our own parents (who, in my humble opinion, are far more trustworthy than most health teachers), are regularly contradicting their example? If our own existence contradicts their example?
    What about birth control? Are they going to teach us about that? If they do, they’ll be sending mixed messages - would they be promoting asexuality, or safe sex? Yet wouldn’t it be good to learn about - for the people (there are bound to be some) who won’t listen to the don't have sex lesson?

    Additionally, I really don't think there are a lot of people who would actually have sex in middle school. My friends like to talk about it (far more than I like to hear about it), but I don't think any of them are stupid enough to just go out and do it, at least not without any sort of birth control. And whatever they're going to teach us, they don't need to teach us repeatedly. Either one will listen or one won't. Lecturing us about the number of diseases one can get three years in a row will just bore us. If it's going to make an impact on anyone, it will have already. For those who didn't get the message the first time we spent two weeks studying STD's, there will be no understanding, or just no care.

    In short: Health teachers, don't teach us about STD's again. Save your breath. Or better yet, teach us stuff we don't already know, or at least stuff that has a better than thirty percent chance of actually making an impact on us.